A new season

I can remember as a child being so confident I knew everything. I see this in my own children and cringe to think what I must have put my poor mother through. It's like the million times she told me to take an umbrella to school because it was supposed to rain, but I said, "No, it's not raining now. I don't need one." And later that afternoon I'd find myself walking home from the bus stop in the rain.

Apparently, I didn't get much better as I got older. When I was pregnant with Addy and in my final semester of college, I remember telling my mother-in-law I didn't want to be a stay at home mom - that I wanted to work at least part time. I said something to the effect that I wanted to do more than just be home and wanted to make a farther reaching impact on the world. This, of course, came from my desire to be involved in missions and from a fear that having children so young would derail my dreams, since having Addy so quickly was certainly not planned.

As I reflected on this this morning, I found myself quite sad that I never told my mother-in- law how wrong I was. I can imagine my words probably hurt her - she was, after all, a stay at home mom. A very good one, I might add.

Back in November, Nathan and I made the very difficult decision that I would begin staying home on a full-time basis with our children. It was difficult, mostly because I love my job coordinating the internship program for Pioneer Bible Translators and I love working side by side with my husband in the recruitment department. But I felt this strong pull to be at home for this season of our lives and to invest more fully in our children. I anticipate that I will return to working with PBT once Isaiah is old enough for preschool, but for this season, I know I'm in the right place. And it is a joy. My children have never derailed my dreams . . . but been a fulfillment of them.

I think Judy would be pleased.

And so we're in the middle of this huge transition for our family. Nathan has taken on most of my work responsibilities until the recruitment team can recruit someone to fill the role. This has left him less time at work to do the parts of his job that he loves - mainly, recruiting. I've felt some guilt over this, but both of us agree, this is what is best for our kids, at this time. I've gone into the office to help out with a few intern details and will continue to volunteer in this capacity until the Lord raises up a new Internship Coordinator. It's been hard to let go of . . . but good, too.

I'm now looking to my roles as mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend and trying to focus my energies there. It's not been a seamless shift, but I'm learning to make even the daily tasks an act of worship to the Lord and finding purpose and fulfillment in caring for my family.

There is so much inside me that needs to be transformed. As I grow, I see how very little I do know and how dependent I am on the Lord to teach me.

Transform me, Lord, that I might bring you glory in everything I do, in word and deed.