I am sad

I am sad tonight. My mind's eye is so full of memories of my grandmother and I am finding that even typing these words are difficult through the tears. She isn't doing very well. She had hernia repair surgery a couple of weeks ago and she's not recovering as they had hoped. They've sent a culture in to determine if she has one of the new "superbugs". I'm afraid. I feel like we're losing her and I don't feel ready.

If it is her time to go home, I want to be willing to let her go - to say good-bye and rejoice at her homecoming. Goodness knows she has more loved ones awaiting her arrival in heaven now than here on earth. But, it is bittersweet still.

I remember her words last year to me . . . "Lindsay, I have the promise of eternal life. This is the beginning for me, not the end. Remember the old proverb, 'Sing like no one is listening, dance as if no one is watching, and live each day as if it were your last.' Remember to live like this."

This may not be the time the Lord calls her home . . .but either way, it is so difficult to be in Dallas while she is in Kentucky. I want to be near her - to hear her breathe, to hold her hand. I want to pray beside her bed and encourage her to eat. I want to hold my mom as she cries behind closed doors. I want to have a few more days with her.

I will be going home to Kentucky on Thursday for a scheduled trip to visit. It can't get here soon enough. I just need to tell her again that I love her.