Mother's Day Reflections

I am a mom.

There are so many things I love about this role.  I love the feel of pudgy arms wrapping around my neck for a tight squeeze.  I love hearing my name called in high pitched voices from around the house.  I love that I'm the first person my kids come to when they have a problem, especially if it's a boo boo that needs to be kissed or a hug that's needed after a rough day.

I love hearing stories from the playground.  I love seeing my children grow and discover new things.  I love hearing their prayers and seeing little glimpses into the grown up people they will someday become.

I love that the Lord allowed me this privilege and this joy.

The last couple of months I have been reflecting on this great role and realized something else too.  In spite of how much I love being a mom, I miss pieces of who I was before . . .

That might throw you off for a minute, but let me explain.

When I had my first child, there was a necessary shift that took place in my life.  This shift enabled me to set aside self and look to the needs of my child above my own.  It began the first day in the hospital when I had to choose to feed by baby over taking a nap.  The shift is a continual decision - sometimes conscious and sometimes subconscious - to put your child's needs first.  Either way, it's a shift every parent must embrace on some level. (And please don't take this to the extreme and assume I'm neglecting boundaries in my parenting - this is for general application only). 

Although motherhood calls for never ending acts of selflessness (which I stink at, in general), I believe being a mother to small children is a season that requires an even more distinct measure of sacrifice. This plays out differently for each of us, but for me, it has required putting some of my own interests on the back burner for a while.  I do this willingly, but not without some sense of loss.

To everything there is a season.  I want to live each one to the fullest. I know the days of kissing boo boos are numbered and there will come a time when I cry for the want them.  So I paint these days on the door frames of my heart, lest I forget them or lessen their significance.  They are also an important part of who I am and who I am becoming.

I sense the winds of change blowing through my heart.  I'm beginning a healthy processing of the season I'm in and reconnecting in small ways with the pieces of me I want to hold onto.  I need to remind myself they have merely been dormant - lying a bit under the surface - and are not gone forever.

One reason I want to hold onto them is so I can share these bits of me with my children - they are such an important part of who I am.  But more than that, one day down the road when they have children of their own, I want them to see that mom's greatest privilege and blessing in this season was to serve them. What a gift they are to me.

I want them to see it then - when they're in the middle of the same season. 

Maybe then, they'll be encouraged as they serve their own children and find balance in their sacrifice.